That headline has you intrigued, right? How is that particular car like a package of toilet paper rolls? It’s a question a child might ask, but not a childish question. It’s an important question, though, because the relevance of this car that hasn’t been in production for well over half a century and these shrink-wrapped packages of ass-wipes are both leveraging a strange pseudomathematical construct that is perhaps even more valid today than it was decades past.
To understand all of this, I suppose first we should be clear what the car is that we’re talking about here. I mean, I’m sure most of you have identified the car from that top image, though it did go by several names. The way it relates to toilet paper has to do with one of those names.
It’s a DKW, and this particular model was built between 1953 and 1959. It was originally known as the Sonderklasse, and also the F91, F93, and F94.
Oh, and it was also known as the 3=6.
It’s this name for the car that I want to focus on, because it’s the key to understanding why this two-stroke German car is related in any way to packages of toilet paper. Well, here’s why:
It has to do with how it’s named. The DKW 3=6 was named because of the belief – perhaps more like a marketing department wish – that it’s two-stroke three-cylinder engine was the equivalent of a six-cylinder, four-stroke engine:
That’s where the mathematical impossibility of 3=6 comes from. And for toilet paper rolls, the current baffling trend seems to be based on the same sort of wishful thinking mathematics: somehow, for nearly every brand of common asswipe textiles, there’s this idea that each roll of the stuff is somehow the equivalent to more rolls of “regular” rolls, whatever that means. So, on the packaging, we’re told that 9=36 or 24=96 or 6=24 or whatever.
I guess if you’re buying prison-grade toilet paper with sheets that are 1.5 atoms thick, then, okay, I guess I can see that, but since every major toilet paper maker seems to only sell “mega” rolls, the point kind of becomes moot, and we’re all stuck taking an extra moment to try and figure out just how many rolls are in a package since even if it says 36 on the wrapper, it’s actually a lot fewer inside.
Let’s get back to the car, though: is the claim even remotely true? Are three two-stroke cylinders the equal of six four-stroke ones? I mean, sorta, on paper, but in the real world? Less so.
Yes, a two-stroke engine has a power stroke every revolution of the crankshaft, as opposed to every other revolution like a four-stroke engine. So, purely in terms of power strokes to engine revolutions, yes, a three-banger two-stroke has as many as a four-stroke six. That’s true! And, for a given displacement, a two-stroke engine generally does create more power, no question.
But, when you’re advertising that your three-cylinder car is the equivalent to a six-cylinder car, some pretty significant liberties are taken. The DKW 3=6 had a 900cc engine that made 38 to 40 horsepower. Decent numbers for a 900cc engine of the era, but is it equivalent to a six-cylinder engine? Maybe it’d be better if there were 900cc sixes for sale, but there really weren’t. Displacement is still a thing, and even finding an inline six of, say, 2.5 liters is uncommon. DKW saying a 3=6 is comparing apples to some hypothetical orange the size of a grape.
Two-strokes also tend to lose more energy to heat, and, while using very few parts and being pretty nifty engines in a lot of ways, also pollute a hell of a lot more, are noisier, and, let’s just be honest here, a three-cylinder 2-stroke just wasn’t being cross-shopped with six-cylinder cars.
They’re still cool, though! Here, watch a period promo film just so you can get indoctrinated, too!
Really, I’m a lot more forgiving of the 3=6 exaggeration than I am of all these stupid toilet paper packs claiming to have like quadruple the number of rolls I can damn well see they have.
Also, in this age of AI and misinformation, I’d rather just keep false number equivalencies to a minimum. Sure, 6=24 or whatever is just about toilet paper, but how far away is it from 2+2=5 and counting the number of lights and all that mess?
Top graphic images: DKW; Cottonelle
The post How This Particular Car Is Like A Package Of Toilet Paper Rolls appeared first on The Autopian.
