There’s nothing quite like going out to your car and finding that what was once a perfectly functional automobile has decided to take a leave of absence from that role. At best, it’s a mild inconvenience. At worst, it becomes understandable why Basil Fawlty attacked his Austin 1100 with a privet branch. I guess it was only a matter of time before something would go wrong on my thirdhand BMW 335i daily driver, and last week seemed to be the time.
Credit where credit’s due, six trouble-free months with a 17-year-old German car known to have a fiddly reputation is pretty good. Alright, I did have to swap a light bulb and replace a cheap window regulator, but those both feel like normal car things. My Crown Vic blew three out of four regulators, resulting in true keyless entry via banging on the window hard enough that it dropped down its tracks. At the same time, 17 years isn’t bad for a taillight bulb, but none of these common items are stuff that would stop a car from running.
The symptoms on the 335i were simple: It would crank hard enough it might go blind, but no sign of firing. Now, this is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. Sure, it means the issue isn’t simply a dead battery, but it also means that the issue isn’t parasitic drain.
The first order of business was to see if I could hear the fuel pump run, and after that seemed fine, the next step was to plug in a good scanner and look at the data.
According to the low-pressure fuel sensor, fuel pressure at the rail was no bueno, and when combined with a lack of codes, it likely pointed toward a bad low-pressure fuel pump rather than a sensor failure. Still, there was this seed of doubt. Without a gauge for the rail, wouldn’t it just be a guess? I could hear the electric fuel pump powering on, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s providing enough output.
Plus, there was another problem. I was still getting over illness, and I frankly couldn’t be bothered to see this through with my own two hands. While you don’t have to drop the fuel tank to change the low-pressure fuel pump on an E9x BMW, one slip and I’d have a cabin spritzed in eau du octane. Oh, and I had places to be over the weekend, and 3,600 pounds of 335i was in the way of the Porsche. Yep, this was a job for someone else.
Thankfully, because I rarely jump into things without at least knowing the basics of what I’m getting into, I know that the Canadian equivalent of AAA (imaginatively named CAA) offers a black card. Is it overkill? Probably, but four 124-mile tows and a 198-mile tow per year for $149 Canadian seems like good insurance to have when your fleet consists of cars sane people don’t buy. One quick call, and it was towed to a specialist who confirmed my suspicions.
Turns out, it really was the low-pressure fuel pump. It’s a comically ’90s-esque failure on a relatively modern car, but yet, here we are. Not a bang, not a catastrophically expensive bill for something like the $1,200 high-pressure fuel pump, but a whimper. This time, I won the game of “comma or no comma,” and the results are noticeable. The pump must’ve been getting weak because straight away, the car just felt more responsive. No idea why it didn’t set any codes, but considering the previous owner recently replaced the high-pressure fuel pump, perhaps the low-pressure pump was just a matter of time.
So, what’s the lesson here? Well, sometimes it really is just a fuel pump. Maybe not all of those Marketplace listings claiming the same need are spouting nonsense. Also, sometimes it’s nice to just farm a job out to the pros. Sure, it costs more money than doing it yourself, but turnaround time is tight, and it frees up time to do other things like housework and, um, work-work. In my case, it also came with an unusual affirmation that I bought a good car. One of the technicians who can rebuild an N5x engine in his sleep asked for first right of refusal if I ever sell the 335i. If that isn’t a sign that I’ve done okay, I don’t know what is.
Top graphic image: Thomas Hundal, eBay
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